Why is the timing so wrong????

I feel like banging my head somewhere now!

Tomorrow is the day for me to sign the offer with OXBX and now I get a call for something I wanted. Completed the phone interview and they are going to schedule me another interview aka video conferencing this week. And I am due to join XXXX on Wednesday...:'( 

If I reject XXXX, that's the end to it..If I get the job with the other place, then all is well but what if I don't? Another round of job hunting? Hmmm

And I can't leave XXXX once I join in for at least 6 months or I'll have to pay a penalty. 

To add to my misery, I have got eye infection! I look like my cat now, with one eye smaller than the other. Even eye makeup won't conceal it and the crappy ointment ain't helping either.

To add on further to my MISERIES, someone seems not bothered to reply to any of my messages :'( It's so demoralizing.

Okay, I need to pop in some pain killers to get the headache off my brains...

A Little Update to My Online Diary

well it's been a long time..

Been a weird 2 weeks :) Some exciting things cropped up along the way. Went for like 15 interviews out of perhaps 20? Lolx, I was being crazy and just applied for so many vacancies via Jobstreet. Got a few offers and rejected them a well as I was waiting for better ones. I know I can survive perhaps for sometime before going dry, did save up for the rainy days in advance :).

Was banking on 3 offers, and one came in today. Pays well but JD is not exactly what I was looking for. Nevertheless, maybe I should just give it a try anyway. I've got till Monday to see if the other two responds. Else would sign the current offer in Tuesday and join in on Wednesday. That would make it a solid 1 month of break after resigning from RM :) Needed it I guess..

2 weeks more to  a new year. A new start for me as well...Hoping for a nice and smooth 2011. 2010 was a good one as well despite all that might have happened.

Might write more tomorrow, off to watch tv now...

Enjoying the Last Month of 2010!!

Surprisingly, I got  a reply today, after sending the email on Sun. Came as no surprise that is was a plain NO (in a rather sarcastic way :) )
But, I don't feel sad or anything, just glad though that I am finally going to totally move on :)

Sent over the scientific article (though  i'm doubtful of it myself). Got to go for another interview tomorrow, and might just accept it for the mean time as the location is super convenient. Hahaha, back to the same location.

Have been contemplating to go and get some books. Or maybe I should finish reading all those at home first. Enjoying my TV time and the longer sleeping hours. Pounds have been adding up as well (on me of course).

I feel so motivated this week!!! :D

Thursday, I'll be heading out for another interview before joining in a /K/ gathering in IKEA! Will be getting a taste of the new "Lancer" when Fire sends me home.

CIAOZ...

Summarizing a week of life as a useless person

The week went on as planned, though slightly better than I expected...

By Wednesday, I had  nearly  7 calls for interviews- all for sales :'( and one for Writing!!! Gotta get some materials sent over, sigh. Thursday was spent on 3 interviews, and got offers but then all were practically useless!!!! Went to temple later in the evening with cleo, and she looked at me and laughed. She told me I am just downgrading myself if I am going to join these places. Gosh, I feel so stupid :'(

Friday, I was just laughing at my fate. Guess I am already accepting the fact that I might be jobless and might end up in the same loop. Instead of regretting, laughing at myself seems nicer I guess. Went out with some colleagues or ex-coll :'( for dinner. Had a good time :)....Would have proceeded to the next stop, but arghh too late to catch a taxi home should I have gone.

Saturday- went for another screwed up interview. The guy needs an answer by monday on whether I would like to join them or not...sat the entire day thinking if I should send an email or not.Took me a couple of minutes to draft it out, and haven't sent it till now. No guts, like totally! Or perhaps I am afraid of rejection? It's just a YES or No. If it's a YES- I am the luckiest person and if it's a NO-well just move on. But then...

1 hour to Sunday and I am still contemplating on whether I should send the email or not. Will be meeting Fuza and Cleo in the morning, and three of us would be off to the temple. Then not sure where.

Plans for the following week:-
Monday: Try my luck elsewhere
Tuesday: See if anything comes up...
Wednesday: Sit and cry that it's Dec and I'm ending the year as a loser ???

Time to reminisce 2010, all the good/bad/ups and downs that happened. And time to also make some plans and set some goals for 2011. Just praying for a better something. Life seems so empty right now. I have nothing, nobody,and well I am practically useless now :'(

Getting too emotional right now, time to snooze away and dream something nice and happy instead...

Back to Square One

Spent my Monday with Hapit, Rathi, Jag...Went to check out the new outlets in SG XD...

As 4 of us sat there, sipping by our drinks(which were all overpriced and lousy), we started talking on Social Network...If only any of us had this extremely great idea that could rake in millions,hmm... Rathi and Hapit then told me, why not start writing a book on all of us :D One chapter on each of us, and we could easily pull off 5 chapters. Sounds good, hahahaha

Anyway, everyone's back to work and Jag is back to Cyber. That leaves me all alone at home once again. Damn I hate myself for putting myself in such a position. I despised staying home all alone and it makes me go crazy. Imagine from morning till night, just my cat, the TV and my computer, up to I dont know when :'(

Why is it no one ever invented a time machine? At least I could reverse back time...

Got a few choices though- just accept any job, even if it's a part time job doing roadshows, promoters or whatsoever? Or back to call centers aka customer service? Been there, done that all, and  moved on to other things only to end there back? Not sure if it's a good idea, but at least I'll have something to do.

The fear of being all alone for God knows how many hours, without having anything to do

A man's errors are his portals of discovery~James Joyce

Well MISTAKES - :D   It happens and it's unavoidable. Nobody is perfect and sometimes we  make wrong judgement in life. I made one, though this changed a lot of things. Made me penniless, direction-less and well totally empty :)

And yes I am still smiling...

Went to FV on Thursday to get all the paperworks done with.   Was asked to sign the contract there and then. I read through and signed it (was perhaps possessed when I signed it).  Then the lady starts telling about the benefits and all. And how I felt I was so dumb to get into there. Damn. Got myself into a 2 year "slave contract". Not allowed to leave or whatever within that period and if i am fired, I have to compensate them back? Cool!

Dec 2010- Nov 2012

Left with all the other stuffs to be done-med check up and all. Went home, sat down and talked with a few people-all who said I should get myself out of the contract before the commencement date. I was so lost- should i leave it, i'm back to square one without anything, or should I accept it- I might be doomed for life. Upto Nov 2012, pheww!

At that time, only regrets was left. But somehow I felt- I was stupid, made stupid moves, but hey at least I learned. Just move on, get out of the contract and start all over again"...

So plans of the week-
Mon -time to go and get the contract cancelled (by telling them some sad stories)...Then try to start looking for other opportunities. Perhaps join cleo and fuz was dinner.
Tuesday and Wednesday - Sit at home and think positively...Watch movies :) And pray for the best
Thursday - Off to temple with cleo...
Friday - thank God that another week is over. Join cleo and fuz for dinner perhaps.
Sat & Sun - Pray for a better week ahead :)

Changes that happened in split seconds

So yest was holiday, but for me it's a longer one...Still sinking in on the fact I am officially jobless now. 

No point looking back. Went by to collect my things today morning, and then realised what a freak octopus is. Not a goodbye or good luck, nothing at all. Real freak indeed. 

He made me feel so pissed, just got my things and walked off. Someone then asked me why i resigned and where I am off too, I just gave some fast answers and escaped. Did not wanna cry. 

Sat down and was waiting for fuza and cleo, then bumped into someone. Asked for a reference letter and said goodbye. Have some plans later with Cleo and trying to make more plans to keep me away from home. If I am at home, all I'll end up doing is regretting and thinking too much.

Then got the call from the school as well. Was asked to come in and sign my contract- 2 years, pheww, scary.

And I've got to sign it by 2ml or sat. less than 48 hours to think it over. Heart says otherwise, mind says I have no option, and rationally this might be my only option for now or I'll have to wait up to Jan till all the places start hiring. I might go crazy by then. Need to really go to temple, and try to find inspiration. Life is full of challenges, perhaps I should embrace it with an open mind. 

Then I'll have another 2 weeks before I join in, should I sign the contract, New start. Gosh, 6 months, and I tried picking up so many things on a new industry from zero to somewhere and now back to zero. Kinda sick of it but as I said, life is a challenge in itself.

Telling myself to move on. 

Nothing but regrets...

I resigned, signed off and its over! Am I happy?-NO!


By the end of the day, I felt stupid and even stupider...I feel like a stupid young kid who is just so bad in making decisions as well as rash in doing things...


I hate my job, and I really do. But I like everything else. There was nothing to fret about, absolutely nothing. I liked the environment and people the best. Mixed, diverse and balanced.


Got 2/3 weeks to sit at home and do nothing but regret. Then gotta think if I am really serious about joining this new place. Everything is on there but my instincts says otherwise. Being tied up to a 2 year contract is not something favorable either, especially when you don't know a thing about the place. It's different from RM, it's school, so it obviously is. All ladies, and way older than I am...phewwwwwwwwww
Bosses are ladies as well and one scared me to be honest but then gave me the offer...


I think I really wanted to get off my present job, that I just accepted her offer and tendered here. But then, later I felt so stupid as I don't even know if I wanna really work there. Job sounds interesting, but then anything can be made to sound interesting. And 6 months in RM, and should i decide to ditch this new place, then my CV is gonna look really bad on me :(. Hoped to have at least stayed in RM for a year but the job made me depressed day by day. Tried and hoped for a transfer, but knew that it was never gonna happen with some one there.


Well I don't wanna make a wrong move once again. Gotta rethink and rediscover things. After learning so much about an industry, it's tough to move one and go into an absolute new industry. 


Now, if only I had the time machine. I could reverse back my actions and perhaps carry on like normal? XD
I wish...

LLI-Low Latent Inhibition

This is a symptom of LLi :

1. You see more, hear more, better smell and feel better through touch contact. Without conscious effort, your mind has a greater intake of information. After facing all forms of stimulation (which appeals to you), your mind automatically dismantles and explore its components. So you can get information about something that is overlooked by those in the normal.

2. You can know or detect or see people who lies on you.

3. When learning, you can make changes instantly. You can practice the lessons you've just absorbed, and able to make connections or associations between two or more things that are usually normal in people, looks like not related at all. Easy to understand explanations. You see the background information of non-verbal and this often provides a more comprehensive picture than what is spoken.

4. You think clearly with your conscious mind. Information completely submerged in your conscious mind without undue influence brought conscious mind.

5. Because your mind is very thorough and detailed about the things that are considered trivial by others, then you will be hard to explain verbally to others.

6. You will feel annoyed when listening to normal people because in your mind, that person explain about something that you think should have been explained a few hours earlier. So like, someone is talking is still up in the points A, while your thoughts have reached the point P.

7. You can find serenity and tranquility in learning about anything that related to science.

There is 2 conditions,

First,
people who have these symptoms but have low IQ or IQ is not enough to process all of information that can make that people crazy or mental retardation.

Second,
people who have these symptoms and have High IQ and IQ is enough or more than enough to process all of information, that people we usually called "Genius".




Source: http://www.dailyscience.info/2010/07/low-laten-inhibition-make-someone-looks.html


the bold statements are so true...

It has been an overwhelmingly stressful week... Firstly, i've got a few options and have got no idea which way to go..

Next, in the midst of planning a nice weekend, someone had to turn 360 degress and turn cold all of a sudden...So the person messages me on a thurs night, with an unclear pic of which I can't read the details, then when I replied an hour late, the person goes on FB posting nonsense. When I confront the person, she says god knows what and ruins my beautiful friday......And all i could say was "thank you so much".

And  I thought this person was one my best friends? I still think so but I guess not on her part :(. She gets  all messed up over a sms and compares it to an incident where they ditched me on a vacation plan? Like come on, that's like not even including me in a plan. That's not even ignorance but a complete way of shutting me off their plans.

Arghh, on top of all the problems I have, I dont need an additional one.

Will just try to have a great weekend-sat out for shopping/night out to a colleague's wedding dinner/sun off to office/mon-thurs in MO/friday back to office/and weekends again...

Of the cake and kids

story which is best left untold :)

As the tears rolls down unto my cheeks....:'(

Life is full of shit...Am I suffering from some sort of low self-esteem disorder?  FUCKING NO!

ARGHH, felt like an idiot coz I was laughing and smiling all the while today afternoon, when in truth I just wanna sit down and cry, like really really cry...which i am doing right now.

Why I say I dont have freaking self esteem problem? Because I was once a freaking brave person. Someone who never had stage freight, who could speak in front of a crowd of >1K at the age of 6/7? A girl who could stand up and fight or defend her loved ones/friends? Someone who always chose to speak up. Yeah, that's who I am. I might appear quiet,but that's because I only choose to use my breath where its worth. It's better to be a good listener then to be an empty vessel that makes a lot of noise.
I know I am capable,I am smart, I am brilliant, I can think, and yet I somehow appear stupid and xxxx to some?????

I was like a lunatic laughing around, all because I wanted to divert my thoughts and worries. Truth is I am disturbed! Like I have got no idea where am I headed to! Its not that I dont wanna be optimistic but I rather be realistic. I so  wanna make it work for me here and yet there's  so much of hindrance to it...

Doesnt mean if I appear normal, I am happy. It only means I am trying to remain strong, but only God knows how I feel deep down. I am worried, I dont wanna fall back, I am trying my best as well....If only people knew that. Honestly, all i felt like doing was sitting and crying, or getting high on some drugs so that I would not think of anything. As soon as I got home, all I did was sit on my bed and cry silently. I know crying makes one seem childish or whatever. But at times, its the only way one can vent out all that's inside. Only I know myself apart from God.

As tears continues rolling unto my cheeks, I remain helpless and lost...

Making the best out of what I have :)

Decided against the cs thingy at last ...

extremely bad headache today :( Ponstans have become my good friend for years. Time to find for other alternatives.

Sleeping at home, with my little cat by my side :) Planning to do some stuffs today-write some pending stuffs, find for leads, and plan my following week.Guess, have to just try my level best in what I am doing now.

Read this story --> http://thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2010/10/13/nation/7213044&sec=nation

Bright future, then Azaryna’s world crumbled

KUALA LUMPUR: She is a JPA scholar who graduated with first-class honours and recently completed her Masters degree in microelectronics and microsystems. But now, doctors are telling her that she only has six months to live.

Azaryna Noh, 26, is suffering from Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis (ILP) and urgently needs a lung transplant.

She was diagnosed with the chronic disease after she complained of a bad cough and had difficulty breathing early this year.

Now, she is fully dependent on an oxygen tank to keep her alive.

“I was offered a job as a vision integration engineer but was diagnosed with the disease at the same time,” she said.

Still, she still went to work although she lasted just a week as she became too weak. She is now wheelchair-bound and her only hope is for someone to step forward as an organ donor to save her life.

Azaryna is one of the nine critically-ill patients at the National Heart Institute (IJN) who urgently need lung or heart transplants.

“We have the facilities and expertise required to save them yet we are helpless because we don’t have organ donors,” said IJN consultant cardiothoracic surgeon Dr Abdul Rais Sanusi.

“There were many cases whereby the deceased had requested for his organs to be donated but in the end, the family did not allow it,” he said.

Sad indeed...Everything in life happens for a reason and we should not take things for granted, for all you know, today might be the last day.

Whatever God gives you, he has a reason for it. All you can do is to fully utilise it and make the best out of it.

Being optimistic is also important in trying to shape your own future. I realise that I should start practicing whatever I just wrote.:)

 

Happy cat!

:):);) what basically signifies one who is totally disturbed by mood swings? Hmm yest i was so emo and today i was extremely happy...

" Associated disorders

Mood swings are commonly associated with Stavros mood disorders, of which the classic examples are PMS in women,^{[citation needed]} bipolar disorder (manic depression)^[1], anddepression. Another major factor in mood swings can be hyperactivity or hyperactivity/inattentiveness as is sometimes seen in ADHD and Asperger syndrome. More commonly mood swings can be a result of dealing with daily life.

Other causes of mood swings are due to hormonal changes that can temporarily upset brain chemistry. As the hormones involved normalize, these mood swings generally subside on their own."
SOURCE

:D

Anyway, mom's against the CS idea :S So it is a NO to it ;(
Bro has been having some major issues as well, hmm

My cat is the only one who has been so happy :)

She sleeps for more than 12 hrs, then plays as she wishes, bites us back if we scold her, such a spoilt kitty of mine...But i love her to the max :)

Duvidhā

Dilemma again,,,sigh

Firstly, I'm seriously feeling like my brains is getting rotten-empty...I liked studying actually. Now, its so mundane.

Im de-motivated..................... :'(

Got really active in looking around for opp,,, and got 4 calls in a row.
But I like the current atmosphere though...

So, all in all, I'm in a dilemma......

game-time!

back home...Sad day indeed, everything I had on plan fell through :( Looks like it's gonna be an empty month indeed.

Time to play some games :) And watch some movies as well

Decline in the bee population

Just came across this article (attached below)http://story.birminghamstar.com/index.php/ct/9/cid/b8de8e630faf3631/id/695377/cs/1/

Decline in bee population. I remember reading that Einstein once said (source unknown XD) that the bee population somewhat relates to the existence of human... When there are no bees anymore, it means we are near the end of the human race :D 2012 perhaps?

New culprits in North American bee death crisis Birmingham Star
Saturday 9th October, 2010  

Scientists believe they may have found the cause of the massive decline in bee populations in North America and other parts of the rest of the world, but are nowhere nearer finding a way to stop the alarming pattern.

Among bee experts of the world the condition, known as colony collapse disorder (CCD), has elicited significant alarm due to its extent. In North America alone, bee populations are believed to have decreased by as much as 40%.

Bees are responsible for pollination, which provides critical support to a third of the foods we eat in the food chain.

In an essay published by Public Library of Science’s “PLoS One”, a group of Army scientists in Maryland and bee experts in Montana, have found that an insect virus and a fungus may be jointly responsible.

Led by research professor Jerry Bromenshenk from the University of Montana, the group, which includes scientists from U.S. Army Edgewood Chemical Biological Center and the Instituto de Ecologica AC in Mexico, have evidence that suggests a moth virus called insect iridescent virus (IIV) 6 and a fungal parasite called Nosema may be causing the deaths.

However, their evidence suggests a ‘chicken and the egg’ scenario. Although CCD is associated with the two pathogens, their research does not show whether the pathogens caused the CCD or whether bee hives already suffering from CCD are more susceptible to the virus and fungus combo.

“We still have a great deal of research to do to resolve why bees are dying in the U.S. and elsewhere,” said Jeff Pettis of the U.S. Department of Agriculture.

Invisibility

Ditched the plan to go to MCTF....Instead spent that time on applications online...Hopefully anyone of it would hit the right spot ;D
Bored but at the same time lazy to go out.Was planning for some shopping, but then I guess my already big butt is so heavy for me to lift off XD And considering that I've made plans with Fio for a shopping trip + b'day celeb for Winnie, might as well do it then. No one makes a better shopping mate than Fio-the two die hard shopaholics :) Reminds me of uni days when we would go off to Jusco and Wangsa walk during long breaks :D
Miss that and all the nights we spent online throwing documents from my side to her side, to and fro, copy editing them...Or the times when we were both going frantic over our thesis (not to miss the "adjustments" we had to do for the results)...The afternoons before exams, where the three of us would be revising like crazy idiots and writing some special "notes"...

Now that Hapit is also no longer in RM, it's just me alone... Somehow feels like I have drifted away completely from the uni scene. Completely alone now. The only time I feel like someone really knows me is when I'm online with Fio or Winnie, and we just go on ranting on how life sucks XD

Somehow everything seems to be drifting away and I'm now in a new environment with a different atmosphere. Not a bad thing but i need time to blend in. Few months back I used to be in large groups, with loads of noise, flexible hours, weird lunch hours, and now its all like a schedule. I used to be so confident, always willing to be the one to go up and debate/talk, also the one who attempts to answer things (with Fiona), so that the class is not dragged on. Now, I feel so intimidated, inexperienced,young, and so much more among the rest. I would love to speak my mind, but I'm afraid it would make me look stupid or ....
I know I've got to overcome that......I'm stuck in something that doesn't allow me to think, be creative or to develop ideas...I'm just there to execute the already existing set of process...The same old process minute by minute. I'm confined within the three walls of my cubicle :'(, in an isolated island, with a PC and phone.
9-6 i sit there, staring at myself, looking around, then staring back at the computer, only to realise I'm getting rusted on the head...I want to do something, something that requires me to think or to be a little creative.
Maybe I'm asking for too much, without considering that all jobs out there are similar in nature. Perhaps its my weird character that's the main problem. Few months back I came across this term LLI. It somewhat explains my character so well. But I doubt its diagnosable. Not that I wanna be checked for it either. But then at least I know LLI is something that describes people like me and I can try to find solutions in helping myself.

Will post some info on LLI XD.The only thing that makes me so brave to write this all here is knowing that no one reads it... Maybe strangers for god knows where might be reading whatever crap i post, but at least I'm a stranger here. An invisible stranger in the online world :D

Think out of the BOX? Or maybe your BOOK?

It was a crappy week. Imagine being micromanaged, ARGHHHHHHH


Having the same old lecture everyday. if its a person whom I can speak against at least I can bother saying something, but this is a person who is egocentric!  He's not gonna listen to what I say. Imagine he told me to think out of the box!!!  I feel like shouting out I am not freaking STUPID!!!  I am wayyyyyyy smarter than what you think and it is you who is stuck within the lines of your textbooks!!  Well I know things better than you and the only reason I choose to sit and listen and remain silent is because I respect your position, age and what not.


But then again he told me something that might be true though.  I don't really believe in what I am selling, so obviously the main problem is that.  So I guess it's time for me to try to start believing in it or either move off to something I would believe in.  Guess that's why I've been doing almost nothing for the past week apart from brushing up my CV.  Time to start hunting for better luck I guess.


It's annoying when I'm treated like a freaking KID!  I know my stuff and maybe he should be the one telling me the answers to the questions he asks, if there are any answers to them.  It makes me wonder is he asking it because he himself is not sure of what the answers are???  Ah, whatever. I might be young, but I'm not naive or stupid.  Maybe I should get that clear next week.  I guess he's afraid that the team seems to be getting smaller, and I would not be surprised if soon, it's left with only one person.  That one person is another PAIN but at least you can just laugh it off.


Maybe they should start asking themselves if they even value this team?  It seems somewhat its a team they regard as the lowest in the pyramid cause they think its such an easy thing.  Well  yeah,then they should try figuring out why it has the highest turnover rate of all! If they themselves look low upon it,don't expect us to be motivated!  I just saw someone who has been there for 3 freaking years with the same basic??  And same position??  Now I am wondering if I have any sort of opportunity to grow from where i am now over here.


Time to think a lot, perhaps time to figure out some answers and reasons.  I like it all but what I am doing perhaps.  Or maybe its just that I don't see a way of getting out of this in the near future if I keep remaining in this.  They don't look like people who would appreciate others as well anyway.


Anyway, it was a quiet week, slightly annoying one as well.  But I'm just not bothered anymore.  I shall quote his favourite line "WHATEVER!' ;D


However,to save the week, I had a nice friday night.  It was nice having get to see new things :)
New experience and nice people as well.  At least I had fun though it was cut short early for me,thanks for having to depend on the train to get home.  Talking of which I was made to reminisce my "puppy love"... Lolx...Another reason as to why I sometimes feel so self-conscious about myself.   The 'puppy' made me feel so unworthy and not good enough... But then I am gonna start LOVING MYSELF!   However I look, it doesn't matter, coz all that matters is that I am confident of my own self-image.


Wanna have a quiet saturday and go for a lucky sunday trying to find luck in the fair.


Adios!

365 Days of Adventure

2010 ought to be the most adventurous year for me...Started off good with a wonderful final sem, rocking finals and had a blast for the first 4 months....Still remember a few lecturers, who I would say taught me a lot of life lessons! And sadly life is about meeting wonderful beings only to part away.


5th month onwards started working....Was LOST, is LOST and is still LOST as to where am I headed to career-wise...Been a drama-queen and hmm then decided to go with the flow. I feel like I'm at the wrong phase of life at the wrong time. At 21, I feel I should be having fun, going crazy and so much more, and yet, here I am-a Bioscience graduate who has no idea what to do in life!


Starting to live life. Spending more time out than ever. Kind of miss the quiet days and quiet weekends where I have nothing to do but amuse myself. I do still feel empty and lonely, but then all the meet ups with friends gets me all busy. Been going out a lot lately. Spending almost every night out with my colleagues, just hanging around.


Did the craziest thing ever by spending my whole night from 10pm upto 8am in the streets of Bukit Bintang. Was there to accompany my friends to que up for hours to get some concert tickets :D.  I know its crazy considering I dont even know which Korean band is it, but just getting to sit out by the roads of KL in the middle of the night, staring at the somewhat awesome surrounding together with my friends was amazing. My body is tired though :D
Days of sleep deprivation is making me even more lost and lazier by the day. I end up feeling so ........ at work...


Also realised that I've been up to no good :) Been sitting and dreaming away most of the time whilst drawing crappy stuffs.


Had a go at SHISHA today :) Well it has to be a good memory with 3 other sweethearts of mine...Ended up laughing at each other for being such a loser at inhaling shisha.


Well, 3 more months, and its a new year! Im looking far ahead, but yeah, looking forward to growing older :)
I wonder where would I be this time, this date, next year? 4 going 5 at work. An achievement for a person like me.


With my eyes struggling to remain open, I guess its time to hit the sacks... Ciaozzz

Time to start living a life

Its weekends again!!! Got plans but not sure which to go for though, hmmm...though i really wish i could have a quiet weekend :(

Pretty tired, after all the late nighs out almost everyday during the weekdays...Been going out with C n F all week, or more of 2 weeks :D Loitering the town...Tiring but nice, coz at least i get to spend more time with people...Tell me about socializing, i really need it. Now that I'm working, life's a little different as I don't meet my besties everyday. Gotta start getting more friends at work. Life's getting lonelier, quieter and a little bit too bored. It's nice to have all the space and time to yourself, but that's the only thing you have, it gets kind of boring.

Reminds me, few weeks back, 2 colleagues mine convinced me to try out this matching portal, which I did- only to delete it 2 days later...Found it weird + hmm don't wanna be too desperate...Would rather let it happen naturally... When the time is right, or it's meant to be, it will happen.

Spending my time out almost every other day has drained out all the energy off me, arghhh. But then sitting and chatting about life, and stuffs makes me "lighter", in a sense that at least I get to express it to someone. Amazingly, they know me pretty well and can judge the type of person I would go for :D Interesting chats- horoscope, life, education, tarrot cards, work, pasts, presents, futures, hahaha.. Wish I was good at driving car, can stay up late at least.

Been also spending most of my time chatting with Fio over msn for the past two weeks...We spent 4 years seeing each other everyday, and now we are like spending all our time chatting online everyday,lolx. More of ranting actually :D How we both wish life was different...How much fun would it be to work together.Hmmm miss the good ol' days!

Been also spending too much money. Need to do some financial planning.

This week was also a sad one, since H left. It means I'm alone again, but somehow I've become closer to the rest here, so its not all lonely.

Also was chatting to fio on the date today...signifies the start of my 5th month with RM. Interesting, never thought it will get this far.

Would wanna write more, but my eyes would not stay open. Off to bed and I shall udate more

A "Fool-ish" Day

Had the most crappiest day of all!!! Imagine wasting an entire day on something, only to end up looking like a fool to my client!!!

When I asked something, it only took the other end 5 mins to do that, and when they needed our favour, it f**king hell takes more than 3 days??? To send a blardy document to another place which is practically 5 minutes away from my office? And imagine when the other end calls you every 10mins, and u keep telling them the dispatch is on the way, and they are waiting for it, whilst having to catch an international flight? And then telling them at the eleventh hour that the document won't make it on time?

If it was me in their position, I would have blew up long time back.

Damn, all I wanted to do after that was  MURDER someone. Why can't people have the slightest brains on earth? I am not stupid and when I am made to look so, I get really really MAD...

There's no point in selling if at the end someone's gonna screw it up big time!

Perhaps I should write a book on 'Customer Service 101" or "How to Use Your Common Sense"...

All in all, it was a terrible day :'( Need some deep rest before going down to the battlefield for a war!

Getting ORGANIZED!

Just realized that it has been weeks if not months, since I updated my blog.


Hmm, I need to start writing more I guess. Kind of rusty after such a long break from doing any sort of writing. Reminds me of the amount of reports and the thesis I had to write a few months back.


Time flies! Come this 24th, it would be my 4th month at work and it also means 4 months since I completed my tertiary education. Gosh! It still feels all new... At times, I wish I could go back to uni and enjoy the last week we had... All the enjoyable moments...Hmm, but then again, time never stops for anything and we've got to get going!


As much as I would love to grow up, that much I miss being a kid and getting away with nonsense :)


It has been a rough month, with high tides and low tides coming together consecutively.  Now that the tides has resided back to normal, it's time for me to get things done, and this time i've got to start getting it REALLY REALLY DONE! No more taking things for granted and day-dreaming around. It's time to get serious :D


Well, as much as it has been a rough month, the past week has been one of the worse weeks in my life as well...  I'm not getting all emo but then sometimes, certain things just makes you so damn pissed off... I wish I had not reacted back in an angry manner  but I couldn't help it! I know that it just made things worse for us, arghh, but then, I'm just not bothered.  Whatever happens, happens for good if not bad.  In life, there's just two elements- good or bad :D


Moving on to my weekends, all my weekends since June has been busy, busy, busy!   Its either some family occasion or reunion with my friends or just going out! I've got to admit though, it has made my life more hectic and FUN :)  The best weekend ought to be the one during August 21st, the most memorable one for me....


It's Raya, and it only means a longer weekend this time around :)  However, in contrast to the earlier weekends, this weekend, it's time for some truly needed rest time.  Time for me to sit in front of the idiot box (which I've not done for like ages) and also time to just troll online...which explains why I've got so much of time to write all these crap..


Anyway, after some deep thinking (:D), I've came up with a list of things to-do:-

• Organize my life
• Lose some (a lot of) weight- Start going to a gym!
• Learn more languages- Mandarin and brush up my English!

I'm going to be realistic and stop at that... That's a lot on my plate to do for now...  It's not a new year resolution but just something that came out of nowhere.  Hopefully, I get at least one of it done!


I've got to write some things and hopefully come up with a good plan of how to organize my work better henceforth... As I mentioned earlier, it's time for me to start taking things SERIOUSLY... I need to get my life organized!  As I was stalking on people, it made me wonder what exactly  makes one happy?  Are people out there contented with what they have?  Or deep down, do they all crave for something that's just different from what they have?  What would really make the human race contented or would we ever be happy with whatever we have?


I shall end my post with that questions, and try to have some answers for it in my next post (if there are answers to them)...Adios!

Life is frigging annoying

Okay, so today i saw the real way of how things work...

took it easy, but later when i was listening to some emo songs, alone on  the bus, i started crying...I've got no idea what i want to do!! can i do this? do i need the pressure?  Or am i just over-reacting?

Got even pissed when my mom started  irritating me, that I walked off...And now she's emo-ing over that, sweat @@ I so hate life right now!!!

Looking at all the things i've got to do, gosh i dunno where to start...

Whenever im lost as to what to do, I wonder if I should write a letter of xxxxxxxx, in case I need it in an emergency or if i can't take it any longer?

Im not a quitter, that i hope they kick me out instead :S

Haizzz,, but one thing for sure, I never seem to be contented with anything, damn!

4tth week down the road, and I'm officially drained out.... Not sure where am I even heading towards.


Day in, day out, it looks the same...I have no answers for the questions that are bound for me.


I've got no freaking idea what I am doing. :'(


At times I just feel like giving up, but then again I'm not a quitter. Where do one "buy" motivation from?
Money can be motivation, but then again personal satisfaction is a bigger motivation for me.


I have asked myself numerous times, what is my passion, and the answer i get from myself is always the same, "I've got no IDEA"!


For someone as clueless as me, it's a challenge to find happiness in whatever I do.


Should I fake it up and start "liking" things? Is that the norm of life?
Maybe it is, and perhaps I should start being more enthusiastic myself about my daily tasks.


So how did the week go? Pretty nice and simple 21st birthday i had :)
Nice dinner with family, and then dinner+movie+slumber party with friends...


And now I am back to reality!


Practically home alone the entire day, only to make me realise how freaking lonely I am!


It makes me wonder if others are similar to me as well- a clueless girl who have got no idea what her life is all about and where it is heading towards! 
Be it passion, work,relationship or whatever, I'm totally blur as to what i want...


And yet again I'm asked why am I freaking single till today, grrr. If I knew that, I would not be one!


Having had the chance to meet with some old acquittance, I see many of them having planned out their life, even though its just in a draft form for now.


They know what they want and what they should do to get there.


As for me, I still stare at myself in the mirror and ask myself  "which road do I take?" or "how do I go down the road accurately without getting lost midway?"...


That call form Pfizer was WOW, but I turned it down :( Maybe the location and the JD was a turn off,, or perhaps I am still optimistic of making it work where I am now...
I thought of going with the flow, but then, at the end of the day, I end up asking myself "what did i gain today?"???


Anyways, am I thinking too much? Is that my main flaw? Hahahahaha, maybe I am...
Its 4+ am in the morning, and I'm awake, ranting here!
In 2 hours time, Ill be heading out to start my day, and perhaps its best to rant out everything so that I'm able to start fresh...


Hoping to have a better day,


Adios! 

off to a high school gathering today!! or is it a primary skool gathering? O.o, something like that...

Then, off for some window shopping...

Plans for 2ml-settle the arrangements of my parent's vacation!! yet to book their baggage and all :D

Plans for monday- Work as usual, then bak home or out for dinner with my family,weeeeee

Plans for tuesday- Work as usual, then post-birthday celebration

Plans for wednesday-friday- Just work...

And damn, Im absolutely lost without my phone :'( Hopefully, I find it back on monday...

~adios~

Man, thank god its friday!!!

been a depressing week altogether.

Now the pressure is both from within  and from external sources as well!


Its just a month, and I'm like so ................... I have no idea!!

Im supposed to be happy, i'll be turning 21 in 3 days time! Its a day everyone looks forward to, supposingly...But then my life looks like its bundled up in stress right now!

I so wanna take it easy, but when i get the same question everyday, and when i've got no answer, I'm so lost as to what to do!

At times, i feel like breaking down and just opting for an easier way out,,,For now at least i know money isnt everything...But for my future's sake, whats the best  move?

Then again, I'm not a quitter and would not want to be one! And for that reason, i shall remain optimistic.

I really wanna try to enjoy this weekend to the max...Before starting all over again.....

Hoping monday would be an "okay"day...Its my 21st birthday, and God, I just hope its with good memories or normal memories, and not bad ones :(

ciaoz

Frustration or just another day?

Another day!

I'm freaking passive, and that's me! Sometimes I wonder if I'm lost in the wrong part of the "world"...

God, wonder how am I gonna do this! :( No idea if its the feeling of disappointed, frustration, irritation or just another emotional state of me that's making me say this...

Gotta escape for now........

Monday Blues or A Blue Monday?

Freaking tired!!

How i wish I lived 5 minutes away from my office, darn :(

It was a "so so" morning....Enjoyed my "MS Paint" session in the morning, thanks to the screwed up server :D

Boring day though... Its today, 2ml, day after 2ml and then next week...It continues and never seems to come to a stopping point!

Thinking to catch the match tonite, but i wonder if i'll be able to stay awake :/ Don't wanna take another cup of coffee, had 2 cups today!

Looks like all the hype on FB on the "animal-testing" issue finally subdued.

Today, the most amazing part is, I got to dream of something i wish would come true...At least it was for a few minutes :) Sometimes, no matter how we try to go far away from a certain things, something still makes us think of it again.

Nothing much to write for today though... After pondering on my current situation, I think I should stop being so negative and start feeling happy! At least Im somewhere right :S

Gonna start reading soon...gotta catch up on all the lost time. Just realised that working is as tiring as going for classes, with the exception of having to worry of exams. At least I can sleep at night`knowing tomorrow will be another new day!

Kinda miss the happy times though... Feel lonely these days :(

Signing off for now, gonna try to get some sleep and wake up for the match later.

And I shall end my post with the countdown --> 7 days more!!!

Just Ranting!

Arghh, getting pissed with all these animal-testing crap. Niways, its personal preferences, why some choose to hit out at those who oppose the idea?


Its my blardy damn wish if i oppose animal-testing, despite being a biotech grad!


And hell yeah, im not brainless to oppose it either, coz im an animal lover! And it doesnt concern anyone if im one!


U wanna only use make-up products made with animal testing, go ahead, no one asked u either! But check ur facts first (RAGE mode)...As I know u do use some that states its animal-friendly...Make sure u avoid all of those tags if u wanna live up to your statement.


Ethic aka bioethics my ASS. All a way to console themselves for the deeds. Come on, if u support it, just say so, and if i oppose it, just shut up la. No need to hit out at me saying its based on bioethics and crap! Coz ur totally disregarding ethics itself when u utilize anther living being for your own benefit, whilst torturing them!


Don't be a hypocrite and hide behind the word "bioethics", coz U and Me know that it doesn't exist!

Sizzling Sunday...

Its Sunday!!Which means tomorrow is Monday!!


Niways, had a nice night yesterday, got to know some cousins whom I've not been in touch with for years, and i mean literally years! 


Its nice to know that I have many cousins of the similar age group :)


Attempted to dance banghra style dance at the dinner, and failed miserably though...I suck badly in dancing :(


Today morning was a nice one as well...Went for shopping and thanks to my parents, got some nice stuffs :):)
Have got to head elsewhere tonite as well...


Indeed a busy weekend, and i assume most my weekends after this are gonna be similar, since I have to stuff in all my to-do tasks on saturday or  sunday,,grr...


WC: Happy that England played badly :D Can't wait to see the samba boys and Spanish team!


And looking forward to tomorrow as well!! Yes, I am actually looking forward to a Monday! Gotta be optimistic and positive :)


The count down is 8 days from now :) 
21 on the 21st in yr 2010!




Adios!

A New Start :)

At last, I've decided to start blogging. However, for now, I am not looking towards having others read my blog :)

It would be more of a journal of my daily activities and what's new in life as every day passes by.

Despite my passion for writing, I never really blogged before. Perhaps, I am more inclined towards writing on political stuffs rather than casual matters :D

Niways, as this is my first ever post, let me start off with a summary of my entire week.

This week, I moved on towards the second week of my working life. One day is a happy day and the next day, I feel so down. I guess being a woman is all about being moody as well. Thanks to some encouraging colleagues, I am trying to be optimistic.

Being a quiet person by nature is never a good thing though. I talk and I mean a lot, but then it takes time. I need to get used to, in order to be a chat box. I guess and hope I would change with time.

Talking about pressure, its something normal, and for now, its me who's pressuring myself. I've got to loosen up a little and take things step by step.

What I like though, its that everyday is a new day, and another day for me to learn new things.

Its nice to be able to learn diverse things in life. Coming from a biological background (which was never my cup of tea :D), its interesting to be able to venture into the financial sector.

Its also a path for me to discover myself. After years of uncertainty and being a clueless nut, I am happy that despite being a little afraid of how I am going to fair in my new job, I'm starting to learn the ropes of my tasks. Its tough, but then again, nothing is easy in life.

Patience is the key here I guess. And optimism, as well as confidence. Talking about confidence, despite being told so many times that I appear to be very confident, I still feel nervous at times. I have got no freaking clue why though. And at times, I do appear to be really a low profile person. I never really react to things much :D, perhaps that's just me! A simple smile would suffice and is the most one might get out of me...I wonder when someone is gonna blow up to my non-existent replies and reactions ;D

So, yeah, the week went on fine, with the last day bringing a smile to my face. Got in something, and was over the moon about it. But then again, the pressure builds up too. Nevertheless, as i said, I'm gonna try to remain patient, confident, and optimistic. I am also gonna be more bold, outspoken and etc from now on. I've got to start acting like an adult :D Having said that, I am so looking forward for the 9th day from today ;D. Its nice to turn 21, and have everything around me looking so NEW!

21 on the 21st in 2010!!! A coincidence indeed!

Apart from that, I always wonder why people look at me like a kid. I mean, I'm a freaking adult! Again coming from a biological background, my daily jokes involved X-rated stuffs. It was normal coz even my lectures, notes and everything were obscene at times :D. And yet people tend to treat me like an alien when they wanna joke around. Grrr, I am not so innocent as I may look :P. Yes, I may be quiet and I probably do look too nerdy and "goody-goody", but then I am so not! Hahahaha, its nice to be a devil in disguise though...

Its weekends, and I am practically lazing around. Looking forward to the upcoming matches of the WC. Managed to stay up for the first match, and woah, I have just become the fan of Tshabalala...Unique name! Will be rooting for Brazil (my all time favourite), Spain (for the cutie pie Raul) and South Korea (truly asian)...The WC spirit is indeed high in the office :D which reminds me I've got to start decorating my cubicle with some "cute" stuffs...

I guess that's it for my first post. Will perhaps write in another post for tomorrow and then, it's back to OSIM.

Gotta start "dressing up" for a wedding dinner tonite :D Its the wedding season, grr and my weekends are hijacked by all these functions. Need extra time to catch up with friends and watch some movies!

Adios!