Invisibility

Ditched the plan to go to MCTF....Instead spent that time on applications online...Hopefully anyone of it would hit the right spot ;D
Bored but at the same time lazy to go out.Was planning for some shopping, but then I guess my already big butt is so heavy for me to lift off XD And considering that I've made plans with Fio for a shopping trip + b'day celeb for Winnie, might as well do it then. No one makes a better shopping mate than Fio-the two die hard shopaholics :) Reminds me of uni days when we would go off to Jusco and Wangsa walk during long breaks :D
Miss that and all the nights we spent online throwing documents from my side to her side, to and fro, copy editing them...Or the times when we were both going frantic over our thesis (not to miss the "adjustments" we had to do for the results)...The afternoons before exams, where the three of us would be revising like crazy idiots and writing some special "notes"...

Now that Hapit is also no longer in RM, it's just me alone... Somehow feels like I have drifted away completely from the uni scene. Completely alone now. The only time I feel like someone really knows me is when I'm online with Fio or Winnie, and we just go on ranting on how life sucks XD

Somehow everything seems to be drifting away and I'm now in a new environment with a different atmosphere. Not a bad thing but i need time to blend in. Few months back I used to be in large groups, with loads of noise, flexible hours, weird lunch hours, and now its all like a schedule. I used to be so confident, always willing to be the one to go up and debate/talk, also the one who attempts to answer things (with Fiona), so that the class is not dragged on. Now, I feel so intimidated, inexperienced,young, and so much more among the rest. I would love to speak my mind, but I'm afraid it would make me look stupid or ....
I know I've got to overcome that......I'm stuck in something that doesn't allow me to think, be creative or to develop ideas...I'm just there to execute the already existing set of process...The same old process minute by minute. I'm confined within the three walls of my cubicle :'(, in an isolated island, with a PC and phone.
9-6 i sit there, staring at myself, looking around, then staring back at the computer, only to realise I'm getting rusted on the head...I want to do something, something that requires me to think or to be a little creative.
Maybe I'm asking for too much, without considering that all jobs out there are similar in nature. Perhaps its my weird character that's the main problem. Few months back I came across this term LLI. It somewhat explains my character so well. But I doubt its diagnosable. Not that I wanna be checked for it either. But then at least I know LLI is something that describes people like me and I can try to find solutions in helping myself.

Will post some info on LLI XD.The only thing that makes me so brave to write this all here is knowing that no one reads it... Maybe strangers for god knows where might be reading whatever crap i post, but at least I'm a stranger here. An invisible stranger in the online world :D