Ditched the plan to go to MCTF....Instead spent that time on applications online...Hopefully anyone of it would hit the right spot ;D
Bored but at the same time lazy to go out.Was planning for some shopping, but then I guess my already big butt is so heavy for me to lift off XD And considering that I've made plans with Fio for a shopping trip + b'day celeb for Winnie, might as well do it then. No one makes a better shopping mate than Fio-the two die hard shopaholics :) Reminds me of uni days when we would go off to Jusco and Wangsa walk during long breaks :D
Miss that and all the nights we spent online throwing documents from my side to her side, to and fro, copy editing them...Or the times when we were both going frantic over our thesis (not to miss the "adjustments" we had to do for the results)...The afternoons before exams, where the three of us would be revising like crazy idiots and writing some special "notes"...
Now that Hapit is also no longer in RM, it's just me alone... Somehow feels like I have drifted away completely from the uni scene. Completely alone now. The only time I feel like someone really knows me is when I'm online with Fio or Winnie, and we just go on ranting on how life sucks XD
Somehow everything seems to be drifting away and I'm now in a new environment with a different atmosphere. Not a bad thing but i need time to blend in. Few months back I used to be in large groups, with loads of noise, flexible hours, weird lunch hours, and now its all like a schedule. I used to be so confident, always willing to be the one to go up and debate/talk, also the one who attempts to answer things (with Fiona), so that the class is not dragged on. Now, I feel so intimidated, inexperienced,young, and so much more among the rest. I would love to speak my mind, but I'm afraid it would make me look stupid or ....
I know I've got to overcome that......I'm stuck in something that doesn't allow me to think, be creative or to develop ideas...I'm just there to execute the already existing set of process...The same old process minute by minute. I'm confined within the three walls of my cubicle :'(, in an isolated island, with a PC and phone.
9-6 i sit there, staring at myself, looking around, then staring back at the computer, only to realise I'm getting rusted on the head...I want to do something, something that requires me to think or to be a little creative.
Maybe I'm asking for too much, without considering that all jobs out there are similar in nature. Perhaps its my weird character that's the main problem. Few months back I came across this term LLI. It somewhat explains my character so well. But I doubt its diagnosable. Not that I wanna be checked for it either. But then at least I know LLI is something that describes people like me and I can try to find solutions in helping myself.
Will post some info on LLI XD.The only thing that makes me so brave to write this all here is knowing that no one reads it... Maybe strangers for god knows where might be reading whatever crap i post, but at least I'm a stranger here. An invisible stranger in the online world :D
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
Think out of the BOX? Or maybe your BOOK?
It was a crappy week. Imagine being micromanaged, ARGHHHHHHH
Having the same old lecture everyday. if its a person whom I can speak against at least I can bother saying something, but this is a person who is egocentric! He's not gonna listen to what I say. Imagine he told me to think out of the box!!! I feel like shouting out I am not freaking STUPID!!! I am wayyyyyyy smarter than what you think and it is you who is stuck within the lines of your textbooks!! Well I know things better than you and the only reason I choose to sit and listen and remain silent is because I respect your position, age and what not.
But then again he told me something that might be true though. I don't really believe in what I am selling, so obviously the main problem is that. So I guess it's time for me to try to start believing in it or either move off to something I would believe in. Guess that's why I've been doing almost nothing for the past week apart from brushing up my CV. Time to start hunting for better luck I guess.
It's annoying when I'm treated like a freaking KID! I know my stuff and maybe he should be the one telling me the answers to the questions he asks, if there are any answers to them. It makes me wonder is he asking it because he himself is not sure of what the answers are??? Ah, whatever. I might be young, but I'm not naive or stupid. Maybe I should get that clear next week. I guess he's afraid that the team seems to be getting smaller, and I would not be surprised if soon, it's left with only one person. That one person is another PAIN but at least you can just laugh it off.
Maybe they should start asking themselves if they even value this team? It seems somewhat its a team they regard as the lowest in the pyramid cause they think its such an easy thing. Well yeah,then they should try figuring out why it has the highest turnover rate of all! If they themselves look low upon it,don't expect us to be motivated! I just saw someone who has been there for 3 freaking years with the same basic?? And same position?? Now I am wondering if I have any sort of opportunity to grow from where i am now over here.
Time to think a lot, perhaps time to figure out some answers and reasons. I like it all but what I am doing perhaps. Or maybe its just that I don't see a way of getting out of this in the near future if I keep remaining in this. They don't look like people who would appreciate others as well anyway.
Anyway, it was a quiet week, slightly annoying one as well. But I'm just not bothered anymore. I shall quote his favourite line "WHATEVER!' ;D
However,to save the week, I had a nice friday night. It was nice having get to see new things :)
New experience and nice people as well. At least I had fun though it was cut short early for me,thanks for having to depend on the train to get home. Talking of which I was made to reminisce my "puppy love"... Lolx...Another reason as to why I sometimes feel so self-conscious about myself. The 'puppy' made me feel so unworthy and not good enough... But then I am gonna start LOVING MYSELF! However I look, it doesn't matter, coz all that matters is that I am confident of my own self-image.
Wanna have a quiet saturday and go for a lucky sunday trying to find luck in the fair.
Adios!
Having the same old lecture everyday. if its a person whom I can speak against at least I can bother saying something, but this is a person who is egocentric! He's not gonna listen to what I say. Imagine he told me to think out of the box!!! I feel like shouting out I am not freaking STUPID!!! I am wayyyyyyy smarter than what you think and it is you who is stuck within the lines of your textbooks!! Well I know things better than you and the only reason I choose to sit and listen and remain silent is because I respect your position, age and what not.
But then again he told me something that might be true though. I don't really believe in what I am selling, so obviously the main problem is that. So I guess it's time for me to try to start believing in it or either move off to something I would believe in. Guess that's why I've been doing almost nothing for the past week apart from brushing up my CV. Time to start hunting for better luck I guess.
It's annoying when I'm treated like a freaking KID! I know my stuff and maybe he should be the one telling me the answers to the questions he asks, if there are any answers to them. It makes me wonder is he asking it because he himself is not sure of what the answers are??? Ah, whatever. I might be young, but I'm not naive or stupid. Maybe I should get that clear next week. I guess he's afraid that the team seems to be getting smaller, and I would not be surprised if soon, it's left with only one person. That one person is another PAIN but at least you can just laugh it off.
Maybe they should start asking themselves if they even value this team? It seems somewhat its a team they regard as the lowest in the pyramid cause they think its such an easy thing. Well yeah,then they should try figuring out why it has the highest turnover rate of all! If they themselves look low upon it,don't expect us to be motivated! I just saw someone who has been there for 3 freaking years with the same basic?? And same position?? Now I am wondering if I have any sort of opportunity to grow from where i am now over here.
Time to think a lot, perhaps time to figure out some answers and reasons. I like it all but what I am doing perhaps. Or maybe its just that I don't see a way of getting out of this in the near future if I keep remaining in this. They don't look like people who would appreciate others as well anyway.
Anyway, it was a quiet week, slightly annoying one as well. But I'm just not bothered anymore. I shall quote his favourite line "WHATEVER!' ;D
However,to save the week, I had a nice friday night. It was nice having get to see new things :)
New experience and nice people as well. At least I had fun though it was cut short early for me,thanks for having to depend on the train to get home. Talking of which I was made to reminisce my "puppy love"... Lolx...Another reason as to why I sometimes feel so self-conscious about myself. The 'puppy' made me feel so unworthy and not good enough... But then I am gonna start LOVING MYSELF! However I look, it doesn't matter, coz all that matters is that I am confident of my own self-image.
Wanna have a quiet saturday and go for a lucky sunday trying to find luck in the fair.
Adios!
Monday, October 4, 2010
365 Days of Adventure
2010 ought to be the most adventurous year for me...Started off good with a wonderful final sem, rocking finals and had a blast for the first 4 months....Still remember a few lecturers, who I would say taught me a lot of life lessons! And sadly life is about meeting wonderful beings only to part away.
5th month onwards started working....Was LOST, is LOST and is still LOST as to where am I headed to career-wise...Been a drama-queen and hmm then decided to go with the flow. I feel like I'm at the wrong phase of life at the wrong time. At 21, I feel I should be having fun, going crazy and so much more, and yet, here I am-a Bioscience graduate who has no idea what to do in life!
Starting to live life. Spending more time out than ever. Kind of miss the quiet days and quiet weekends where I have nothing to do but amuse myself. I do still feel empty and lonely, but then all the meet ups with friends gets me all busy. Been going out a lot lately. Spending almost every night out with my colleagues, just hanging around.
Did the craziest thing ever by spending my whole night from 10pm upto 8am in the streets of Bukit Bintang. Was there to accompany my friends to que up for hours to get some concert tickets :D. I know its crazy considering I dont even know which Korean band is it, but just getting to sit out by the roads of KL in the middle of the night, staring at the somewhat awesome surrounding together with my friends was amazing. My body is tired though :D
Days of sleep deprivation is making me even more lost and lazier by the day. I end up feeling so ........ at work...
Also realised that I've been up to no good :) Been sitting and dreaming away most of the time whilst drawing crappy stuffs.
Had a go at SHISHA today :) Well it has to be a good memory with 3 other sweethearts of mine...Ended up laughing at each other for being such a loser at inhaling shisha.
Well, 3 more months, and its a new year! Im looking far ahead, but yeah, looking forward to growing older :)
I wonder where would I be this time, this date, next year? 4 going 5 at work. An achievement for a person like me.
With my eyes struggling to remain open, I guess its time to hit the sacks... Ciaozzz
5th month onwards started working....Was LOST, is LOST and is still LOST as to where am I headed to career-wise...Been a drama-queen and hmm then decided to go with the flow. I feel like I'm at the wrong phase of life at the wrong time. At 21, I feel I should be having fun, going crazy and so much more, and yet, here I am-a Bioscience graduate who has no idea what to do in life!
Starting to live life. Spending more time out than ever. Kind of miss the quiet days and quiet weekends where I have nothing to do but amuse myself. I do still feel empty and lonely, but then all the meet ups with friends gets me all busy. Been going out a lot lately. Spending almost every night out with my colleagues, just hanging around.
Did the craziest thing ever by spending my whole night from 10pm upto 8am in the streets of Bukit Bintang. Was there to accompany my friends to que up for hours to get some concert tickets :D. I know its crazy considering I dont even know which Korean band is it, but just getting to sit out by the roads of KL in the middle of the night, staring at the somewhat awesome surrounding together with my friends was amazing. My body is tired though :D
Days of sleep deprivation is making me even more lost and lazier by the day. I end up feeling so ........ at work...
Also realised that I've been up to no good :) Been sitting and dreaming away most of the time whilst drawing crappy stuffs.
Had a go at SHISHA today :) Well it has to be a good memory with 3 other sweethearts of mine...Ended up laughing at each other for being such a loser at inhaling shisha.
Well, 3 more months, and its a new year! Im looking far ahead, but yeah, looking forward to growing older :)
I wonder where would I be this time, this date, next year? 4 going 5 at work. An achievement for a person like me.
With my eyes struggling to remain open, I guess its time to hit the sacks... Ciaozzz
Friday, October 1, 2010
Time to start living a life
Its weekends again!!! Got plans but not sure which to go for though, hmmm...though i really wish i could have a quiet weekend :(
Pretty tired, after all the late nighs out almost everyday during the weekdays...Been going out with C n F all week, or more of 2 weeks :D Loitering the town...Tiring but nice, coz at least i get to spend more time with people...Tell me about socializing, i really need it. Now that I'm working, life's a little different as I don't meet my besties everyday. Gotta start getting more friends at work. Life's getting lonelier, quieter and a little bit too bored. It's nice to have all the space and time to yourself, but that's the only thing you have, it gets kind of boring.
Reminds me, few weeks back, 2 colleagues mine convinced me to try out this matching portal, which I did- only to delete it 2 days later...Found it weird + hmm don't wanna be too desperate...Would rather let it happen naturally... When the time is right, or it's meant to be, it will happen.
Spending my time out almost every other day has drained out all the energy off me, arghhh. But then sitting and chatting about life, and stuffs makes me "lighter", in a sense that at least I get to express it to someone. Amazingly, they know me pretty well and can judge the type of person I would go for :D Interesting chats- horoscope, life, education, tarrot cards, work, pasts, presents, futures, hahaha.. Wish I was good at driving car, can stay up late at least.
Been also spending most of my time chatting with Fio over msn for the past two weeks...We spent 4 years seeing each other everyday, and now we are like spending all our time chatting online everyday,lolx. More of ranting actually :D How we both wish life was different...How much fun would it be to work together.Hmmm miss the good ol' days!
Been also spending too much money. Need to do some financial planning.
This week was also a sad one, since H left. It means I'm alone again, but somehow I've become closer to the rest here, so its not all lonely.
Also was chatting to fio on the date today...signifies the start of my 5th month with RM. Interesting, never thought it will get this far.
Would wanna write more, but my eyes would not stay open. Off to bed and I shall udate more
Pretty tired, after all the late nighs out almost everyday during the weekdays...Been going out with C n F all week, or more of 2 weeks :D Loitering the town...Tiring but nice, coz at least i get to spend more time with people...Tell me about socializing, i really need it. Now that I'm working, life's a little different as I don't meet my besties everyday. Gotta start getting more friends at work. Life's getting lonelier, quieter and a little bit too bored. It's nice to have all the space and time to yourself, but that's the only thing you have, it gets kind of boring.
Reminds me, few weeks back, 2 colleagues mine convinced me to try out this matching portal, which I did- only to delete it 2 days later...Found it weird + hmm don't wanna be too desperate...Would rather let it happen naturally... When the time is right, or it's meant to be, it will happen.
Spending my time out almost every other day has drained out all the energy off me, arghhh. But then sitting and chatting about life, and stuffs makes me "lighter", in a sense that at least I get to express it to someone. Amazingly, they know me pretty well and can judge the type of person I would go for :D Interesting chats- horoscope, life, education, tarrot cards, work, pasts, presents, futures, hahaha.. Wish I was good at driving car, can stay up late at least.
Been also spending most of my time chatting with Fio over msn for the past two weeks...We spent 4 years seeing each other everyday, and now we are like spending all our time chatting online everyday,lolx. More of ranting actually :D How we both wish life was different...How much fun would it be to work together.Hmmm miss the good ol' days!
Been also spending too much money. Need to do some financial planning.
This week was also a sad one, since H left. It means I'm alone again, but somehow I've become closer to the rest here, so its not all lonely.
Also was chatting to fio on the date today...signifies the start of my 5th month with RM. Interesting, never thought it will get this far.
Would wanna write more, but my eyes would not stay open. Off to bed and I shall udate more
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
A "Fool-ish" Day
Had the most crappiest day of all!!! Imagine wasting an entire day on something, only to end up looking like a fool to my client!!!
When I asked something, it only took the other end 5 mins to do that, and when they needed our favour, it f**king hell takes more than 3 days??? To send a blardy document to another place which is practically 5 minutes away from my office? And imagine when the other end calls you every 10mins, and u keep telling them the dispatch is on the way, and they are waiting for it, whilst having to catch an international flight? And then telling them at the eleventh hour that the document won't make it on time?
If it was me in their position, I would have blew up long time back.
Damn, all I wanted to do after that was MURDER someone. Why can't people have the slightest brains on earth? I am not stupid and when I am made to look so, I get really really MAD...
There's no point in selling if at the end someone's gonna screw it up big time!
Perhaps I should write a book on 'Customer Service 101" or "How to Use Your Common Sense"...
All in all, it was a terrible day :'( Need some deep rest before going down to the battlefield for a war!
When I asked something, it only took the other end 5 mins to do that, and when they needed our favour, it f**king hell takes more than 3 days??? To send a blardy document to another place which is practically 5 minutes away from my office? And imagine when the other end calls you every 10mins, and u keep telling them the dispatch is on the way, and they are waiting for it, whilst having to catch an international flight? And then telling them at the eleventh hour that the document won't make it on time?
If it was me in their position, I would have blew up long time back.
Damn, all I wanted to do after that was MURDER someone. Why can't people have the slightest brains on earth? I am not stupid and when I am made to look so, I get really really MAD...
There's no point in selling if at the end someone's gonna screw it up big time!
Perhaps I should write a book on 'Customer Service 101" or "How to Use Your Common Sense"...
All in all, it was a terrible day :'( Need some deep rest before going down to the battlefield for a war!
Friday, September 10, 2010
Getting ORGANIZED!
Just realized that it has been weeks if not months, since I updated my blog.
Hmm, I need to start writing more I guess. Kind of rusty after such a long break from doing any sort of writing. Reminds me of the amount of reports and the thesis I had to write a few months back.
Time flies! Come this 24th, it would be my 4th month at work and it also means 4 months since I completed my tertiary education. Gosh! It still feels all new... At times, I wish I could go back to uni and enjoy the last week we had... All the enjoyable moments...Hmm, but then again, time never stops for anything and we've got to get going!
As much as I would love to grow up, that much I miss being a kid and getting away with nonsense :)
It has been a rough month, with high tides and low tides coming together consecutively. Now that the tides has resided back to normal, it's time for me to get things done, and this time i've got to start getting it REALLY REALLY DONE! No more taking things for granted and day-dreaming around. It's time to get serious :D
Well, as much as it has been a rough month, the past week has been one of the worse weeks in my life as well... I'm not getting all emo but then sometimes, certain things just makes you so damn pissed off... I wish I had not reacted back in an angry manner but I couldn't help it! I know that it just made things worse for us, arghh, but then, I'm just not bothered. Whatever happens, happens for good if not bad. In life, there's just two elements- good or bad :D
Moving on to my weekends, all my weekends since June has been busy, busy, busy! Its either some family occasion or reunion with my friends or just going out! I've got to admit though, it has made my life more hectic and FUN :) The best weekend ought to be the one during August 21st, the most memorable one for me....
It's Raya, and it only means a longer weekend this time around :) However, in contrast to the earlier weekends, this weekend, it's time for some truly needed rest time. Time for me to sit in front of the idiot box (which I've not done for like ages) and also time to just troll online...which explains why I've got so much of time to write all these crap..
Anyway, after some deep thinking (:D), I've came up with a list of things to-do:-
I'm going to be realistic and stop at that... That's a lot on my plate to do for now... It's not a new year resolution but just something that came out of nowhere. Hopefully, I get at least one of it done!
I've got to write some things and hopefully come up with a good plan of how to organize my work better henceforth... As I mentioned earlier, it's time for me to start taking things SERIOUSLY... I need to get my life organized! As I was stalking on people, it made me wonder what exactly makes one happy? Are people out there contented with what they have? Or deep down, do they all crave for something that's just different from what they have? What would really make the human race contented or would we ever be happy with whatever we have?
I shall end my post with that questions, and try to have some answers for it in my next post (if there are answers to them)...Adios!
Hmm, I need to start writing more I guess. Kind of rusty after such a long break from doing any sort of writing. Reminds me of the amount of reports and the thesis I had to write a few months back.
Time flies! Come this 24th, it would be my 4th month at work and it also means 4 months since I completed my tertiary education. Gosh! It still feels all new... At times, I wish I could go back to uni and enjoy the last week we had... All the enjoyable moments...Hmm, but then again, time never stops for anything and we've got to get going!
As much as I would love to grow up, that much I miss being a kid and getting away with nonsense :)
It has been a rough month, with high tides and low tides coming together consecutively. Now that the tides has resided back to normal, it's time for me to get things done, and this time i've got to start getting it REALLY REALLY DONE! No more taking things for granted and day-dreaming around. It's time to get serious :D
Well, as much as it has been a rough month, the past week has been one of the worse weeks in my life as well... I'm not getting all emo but then sometimes, certain things just makes you so damn pissed off... I wish I had not reacted back in an angry manner but I couldn't help it! I know that it just made things worse for us, arghh, but then, I'm just not bothered. Whatever happens, happens for good if not bad. In life, there's just two elements- good or bad :D
Moving on to my weekends, all my weekends since June has been busy, busy, busy! Its either some family occasion or reunion with my friends or just going out! I've got to admit though, it has made my life more hectic and FUN :) The best weekend ought to be the one during August 21st, the most memorable one for me....
It's Raya, and it only means a longer weekend this time around :) However, in contrast to the earlier weekends, this weekend, it's time for some truly needed rest time. Time for me to sit in front of the idiot box (which I've not done for like ages) and also time to just troll online...which explains why I've got so much of time to write all these crap..
Anyway, after some deep thinking (:D), I've came up with a list of things to-do:-
- Organize my life
- Lose some (a lot of) weight- Start going to a gym!
- Learn more languages- Mandarin and brush up my English!
I'm going to be realistic and stop at that... That's a lot on my plate to do for now... It's not a new year resolution but just something that came out of nowhere. Hopefully, I get at least one of it done!
I've got to write some things and hopefully come up with a good plan of how to organize my work better henceforth... As I mentioned earlier, it's time for me to start taking things SERIOUSLY... I need to get my life organized! As I was stalking on people, it made me wonder what exactly makes one happy? Are people out there contented with what they have? Or deep down, do they all crave for something that's just different from what they have? What would really make the human race contented or would we ever be happy with whatever we have?
I shall end my post with that questions, and try to have some answers for it in my next post (if there are answers to them)...Adios!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Life is frigging annoying
Okay, so today i saw the real way of how things work...
took it easy, but later when i was listening to some emo songs, alone on the bus, i started crying...I've got no idea what i want to do!! can i do this? do i need the pressure? Or am i just over-reacting?
Got even pissed when my mom started irritating me, that I walked off...And now she's emo-ing over that, sweat @@ I so hate life right now!!!
Looking at all the things i've got to do, gosh i dunno where to start...
Whenever im lost as to what to do, I wonder if I should write a letter of xxxxxxxx, in case I need it in an emergency or if i can't take it any longer?
Im not a quitter, that i hope they kick me out instead :S
Haizzz,, but one thing for sure, I never seem to be contented with anything, damn!
took it easy, but later when i was listening to some emo songs, alone on the bus, i started crying...I've got no idea what i want to do!! can i do this? do i need the pressure? Or am i just over-reacting?
Got even pissed when my mom started irritating me, that I walked off...And now she's emo-ing over that, sweat @@ I so hate life right now!!!
Looking at all the things i've got to do, gosh i dunno where to start...
Whenever im lost as to what to do, I wonder if I should write a letter of xxxxxxxx, in case I need it in an emergency or if i can't take it any longer?
Im not a quitter, that i hope they kick me out instead :S
Haizzz,, but one thing for sure, I never seem to be contented with anything, damn!
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